How to communicate to have a great sex life

Image

Photography by artist unknown.

Have you ever felt misunderstood in your relationships? You don’t know how to communicate something intimate with your partner/lovers? I know, duuh, you most probably know what I am talking about.

A big piece of what we seek in communication is connection. We want to feel that we are being seen and that we belong. Unfortunately, this is not what we usually get.

The majority of us haven’t been taught how to communicate with the ones we love. Which creates a lot of misunderstandings that affect our relationships and our sex life.

As you might know each of you like something different in sex. And not only that, you might want something different depending on the day and the partner. 

No matter if you are having one-night stands or you are in a long-term relationship communication is key for having good sex. It allows you to say what you need in order to enjoy the experience.

How to begin?

1. Intimacy

The first thing is to create a safe space where each of you can feel that you can share.

When you have sex, it's important to know what each of you wants, what you enjoy / don't enjoy, where your boundaries are, or what contraception options you want to use.

These conversations are not easy, therefore, it is important to create a safe place to express everything you need to say, so that later you can let yourself go and enjoy the experience.

Ask yourself what makes you feel safe. For example, I need to know that the person with whom I am sharing is present. So, every time I need to share something important with someone, I tell the person I am with that I have something important to share and I would like to know if they are present to hear it.

It takes practice and at first it may seem strange. But, I promise, the more you do it, the easier it will become. 

2. Share with vulnerability

Oh vulnerability, how beautiful and terrifying it is, right?

Being vulnerable has been misunderstood for a long time as being weak. However, I think there is nothing braver than being vulnerable.

When we dare to be vulnerable, what we say is: this is who I am, and I am ready to share it with you, no matter how painful or risky it may be.

Sharing with vulnerability takes practice. But once you do it, you don’t want to go back.

You can start practicing it by sharing something important and personal about yourself with a person you can trust. Make sure to choose the right person to do it.

You can start the conversation with: “I have something important to share with you and it is very difficult for me to do so. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you would really listen to me”. Find the words that really express what you would like to get from the person you share it with.

Sex and expressing what we want in our sexual life is vulnerable, that is why I invite you to learn to practice it slowly. So you can make sure that every day you are more comfortable having these conversations.

3. Acknowledge what they have shared with you.

The truth is that when you show yourself as you are with someone, you let that person see you and, therefore, in a certain way you are saying: "I trust you." This requires courage.

Therefore, it is important that when a person does something like this, you appreciate and recognize it. An example might be saying: “Thank you for sharing. This must have been difficult for you. I really appreciate you telling me. "

By doing this, you help the person know that she is safe with you and that you appreciate the courage she has had sharing it with you.

4. Be present

When someone shares something vulnerable with you, honor her by being present. Your first impulse may be to react with advice or a personal story, but instead I invite you to be present and just listen.

As I always say, try to think that what this person is sharing is really important and needs your presence to be able to do it.

Communication has the power to make you feel that you belong and that you are being seen.

Try these 4 steps and you will be amazed at how different your relationships and sex life will be.

Share this blog with your partner, lover or friend if you want to try it and let me know how it goes.

How can you begin?

If you would like to get personal guidance you can book my 1:1 online coaching sessions here.

Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here , and receive a free meditation to help YOU begin this journey.

Lots of love,

Marina.

How to have a communication that gives you a great sex life

Image

Have you ever felt misunderstood in your relationships? You don’t know how to communicate something intimate with your partner/lovers? I know, duuh, you most probably know what I am talking about.

A big piece of what we seek in communication is connection. We want to feel that we are being seen and that we belong. Unfortunately, this is not what we usually get.

The majority of us haven’t been taught how to communicate with the ones we love. Which creates a lot of misunderstandings that affect our relationships and our sex life.

As you might know each of you like something different in sex. And not only that, you might want something different depending on the day and the partner.

No matter if you are having one-night stands or you are in a long-term relationship communication is key for having good sex. It allows you to say what you need in order to enjoy the experience.

How to begin?

1. INTIMACY

The first thing is to create a safe space where each of you can feel that you can share.

When you have sex, it's important to know what each of you wants, what you enjoy / don't enjoy, where your boundaries are, or what contraception options you want to use.

These conversations are not easy, therefore, it is important to create a safe place to express everything you need to say, so that later you can let yourself go and enjoy the experience.

Ask yourself what makes you feel safe. For example, I need to know that the person with whom I am sharing is present. So, every time I need to share something important with someone, I tell the person I am with that I have something important to share and I would like to know if they are present to hear it.

It takes practice and at first it may seem strange. But, I promise, the more you do it, the easier it will become.

2. SHARE WITH VULNERABILITY

Oh vulnerability, how beautiful and terrifying it is, right?

Being vulnerable has been misunderstood for a long time as being weak. However, I think there is nothing braver than being vulnerable.

When we dare to be vulnerable, what we say is: this is who I am, and I am ready to share it with you, no matter how painful or risky it may be.

Sharing with vulnerability takes practice. But once you do it, you don’t want to go back.

You can start practicing it by sharing something important and personal about yourself with a person you can trust. Make sure to choose the right person to do it.

You can start the conversation with: “I have something important to share with you and it is very difficult for me to do so. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you would really listen to me”. Find the words that really express what you would like to get from the person you share it with.

Sex and expressing what we want in our sexual life is vulnerable, that is why I invite you to learn to practice it slowly. So you can make sure that every day you are more comfortable having these conversations.

3. ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT THEY HAVE SHARED WITH YOU.

The truth is that when you show yourself as you are with someone, you let that person see you and, therefore, in a certain way you are saying: "I trust you." This requires courage.

Therefore, it is important that when a person does something like this, you appreciate and recognize it. An example might be saying: “Thank you for sharing. This must have been difficult for you. I really appreciate you telling me. "

By doing this, you help the person know that she is safe with you and that you appreciate the courage she has had sharing it with you.


4. BE PRESENT.

When someone shares something vulnerable with you, honor her by being present. Your first impulse may be to react with advice or a personal story, but instead I invite you to be present and just listen.

As I always say, try to think that what this person is sharing is really important and needs your presence to be able to do it.

Communication has the power to make you feel that you belong and that you are being seen.

Try these 4 steps and you will be amazed at how different your relationships and sex life will be.

Share this blog with your partner, lover or friend if you want to try it and let me know how it goes.

How can you begin?

If you would like to get personal guidance you can book my 1:1 online coaching sessions here.

Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here , and receive a free meditation to help YOU begin this journey.

Lots of love,

Marina.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *